Hi! I know this post is a little late – (shocking, right?) I initially started it around Mother’s Day… but these thoughts have been running around in my brain for weeks (months…) m and I had to let them free…..
So the reason why we celebrate Mother’s Day is obvious because we all have a Mother – science is not that advanced yet. But the ACT of being a mother is a different thing, and this is where my thoughts are taking me. Some people’s only desire in this life is to be a mother, to give birth to a bouncing beautiful baby but not everyone gets that chance. I know plenty of people that suffer in silence because they are not able to conceive in the way nature intended. This happens to WAY more people than we talk about, and those that suffer through this need your love + inspiration. Ladies (and people that identify as ladies) it’s ok to talk about it. It happens way more than you know. And miracles DO happen. Keep the faith. And there’s a whole lot of kids out there that need love. and would love to love you.
So – this brings me to my point. Being a Mother is a TOUGH job. A never ending duty. When I was a kid, all I wanted was to be a Mother. (because my Mom was the best! She made it look easy – mad props Mom) but that was when I was still wrapped up in the fantasy of it, that it was easy, and fun, and you could turn it off. I felt that way probably until around the time I turned 22. Then, reality set in. I graduated college, didn’t find a job I loved, and realized – shit – life is hard!!!!!! As I got older, I kept waiting on it to get easier, for it all come together, so I can conform with society and have my white picket fence, and 2.5 beautiful babies. (.5 because pretty much everyone has at least one miscarriage when trying to concieve) and it never happened. And then one day I said Eff it, and moved to the Keys. More on that later.
My 20’s were hard, because all people want to know about you is “When are you getting married?” or “When are you having kids?” – I know some people think this is just basic conversation, but it’s not. It’s rude. It’s like that person can’t help but ask status quo questions and doesn’t really care about your inner being. That person is judging you based on your personal choices or marital status. It feels like that person is trying to make you feel small because you don’t have these things, especially if you are already doubting your self worth because you can’t find a partner, no one wants to marry you, or your body is having trouble convincing even though its all you ever want. There’s about a million other conversation starters that don’t include personal, intimate life choices – such as “How are you?” “What do you do in your spare time?” or even “So, tell me about yourself?” The Universe has different plans for all of us. I remember getting so much shit from my friends when I moved to the Keys because I wasn’t settling down + having babies. Well guess what – the Universe was looking out for me because it knew I had a role to play. (see: www.lovemaineadventures.com )Things didn’t work out for me because that was not my path. I slowly identified as I got older that the amount of work it would take to be a Mother was more than I was willing to take on. I hadn’t met the MAN OF MY DREAMS by the time I was almost 30, and at that point I made the decision. My decision was to take the world by the horns, and experience all life had to offer. THIS was my baby. And once I identified that I found my perfect partner. He wasn’t what I always imagined I would be with, but he gives me things I never knew I needed, and he lets me be myself, apologetically. Space to chase my dreams, and Devil’s Advocate when I get too wild. We discussed not having kids right off when we started hanging out – and it all kind of made sense. My “Mother” roll in life is to be Auntie DD. And I quickly realized that I loved my friends kids almost as much as I loved my friends, if not more. And that these kids NEEDED an Auntie in their life. Someone they could trust other than their Mom. And someone their Mom could trust when their relationship was strained, to keep them safe + teach them lessons. I had an AWESOME Auntie growing up, who I didn’t even realize wasn’t blood family for the longest. She definitely helped guide me into the awesome person I am today. She even took me on my first hike 🙂
I’m finalizing this post the week after my 35th birthday party. And do you know what made that party so special? (Besides me getting banned from karaoke…) I got to spend time with my friends, and their kids. Conor brought me beer, a pedicure and a fantastic Geaghan’s hat (thanks Mama Lisa!) Griffin brought me wine and so many facial expressions! (thanks Mama Emilie!) and Wells, well Wells brought his A game. He was by his Auntie DD’s side the entire time. Mama Allison even kept my wine full while Wells and I chilled in lawn chairs. (thanks Mama Allison!!!) Then the Monday after, I got to go on a boat with my man Dresden and his Mom Willow, who is one of my favorite humans on the plant. Having one of your friends kids love you, is legitimately one of the GREATEST feelings on the planet. (Thanks Mama Willow!)
So in summary – a HUGE shout out to all you Mommas out there, getting up early, taking care of those tiny humans, and keeping a big smile on your face the entire time. I get super cranky when my cat tries to wake me up – I can’t imagine how I would react to a screaming baby. I know it’s different when it’s yours but I can’t negotiate with anyone under the age of 8. I don’t know how to do that. and THANK YOU to anyone that’s ever Mothered me – there have been lots of you – The world needs Mothers to keep society at bay, to keep us all in check and to show us love. SO just because you’re not a Mother by nature, you can act as a Mother in many different ways. So shout out to all those out there that have Mothered us in many ways and times in our lives when we needed them. And remember – for every Momma out there that needs some love, there’s an Auntie out there that wants to entertain your babies so that you can relax. ❤
and in case you’re not sure what to talk bout with those who don’t have kids, whether it’s by choice or by nature, here’s some things to check out…here
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