January 16, 2017 theadventuresofdd 6Comment

So – anyone who knows me, KNOWS I am not a morning person. It is NO SECRET. My good friends know to tell me that they want me somewhere 15 – 30 minutes prior to when they actually want me there. As long as I wake up on time, it works like a charm. Key words being “As long as I wake up on time”.  As I sit here starting to write this, it’s because I have some extra minutes this morning because of a failed morning workout plan. (Hey – I got up. Baby steps.)

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved sleeping. Also, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always had problems going to bed at a “normal” time, and problems getting out of bed at a “normal” time. My body wants to function on a time frame that is different than most everyone else, but that doesn’t work for an 8 – 5, like pretty much every job on the face of the planet expects. So, like everyone else, I’ve done my best to adjust, and adapt, and move forward. “So, why are you writing this post?” – you might be asking yourself. I am writing this post to raise awareness of the struggles us not-so-morning people face! HAHA. and more so – because I know I am not the only one that fights this battle – to let others know that they are not alone in the haze.

I remember being in Jr. College, and grilling my psychology professor about sleep disorders  – whether or not I had one, if I should talk to someone. I remember pleading my case, and him listening, shaking his head, laughing a little bit, and then telling me I was fine.  Thinking back, I think he just thought I was lazy, or trying to get out of something. But I was legitimately wondering! I was pretty brave to put it out there like that, looking at it now. And – I can tell you I never asked anyone again, because of his reaction. (lesson: don’t laugh at people when they are asking a question that makes them vulnerable – even if you can’t identify that they might be vulnerable – realize that for every 15 questions that seem annoying – that at least a few of them come from a good place, a place of need – and be kind.)

Ok – fast forward a billion years – I have seemingly adapted well to the morning life – trying pretty much every trick in the book. I’ve been working a 9 – 5 for quite a while – it’s more recently become an 8 – 4:30, or 8:30 – 5. My boss – (HIIII!) is a stickler and I’ve been doing the best I can, but I literally feel like no matter what I do – get up way early, do yoga, get a routine together, I am STILL always 5 minutes late. I can get up 3 hours before work – and still – something happens that makes me late. Cue the – “Well stop doing things before work!” voices – yeah I get it.  (also I didn’t ask for your advice…. but I am now, please share any #lifehacks) Time just seems to move faster in the morning. (that’s not an excuse, it’s an observation!!!!)  So – I want to move on to the state of mind. Because I think that’s important. The rumor is optimists are the biggest violators of being on time – and if you know me, you know I’m a wicked optimist. (hey it’s part of my charm 🙂 and I just hope that my charm can get me out of situations when I TRY SO HARD but then I forget billions of things and I know I should be on the road 5 minutes ago but I am still upstairs getting something very important like socks. or a sports bra for the gym. Or maybe matching earrings. Or potentially picking out my lunch for the day- or maybe I’ve gone back inside 5 x because I forgot paperwork, or shoes, or BREAKFAST. (yes – this happens. maybe too often.)

So – I know there’s people out there that think being late is rude. I see it on facebook – the “things that take no talent” list. 1. being on time. which I will argue – definitly takes talent! it’s not a natural behavior for some of us. #optimistawareness.  I can appreciate that, and if you are one of those people – I will be 20 minutes early to that meeting because I know it’s a thing for you. However – remember that you aren’t freaking perfect either, and if you get stuck on judging a person because of their concept of time, you might miss out on knowing some of the most kind, generous, loving, creative people on the planet. It’s not a sign of disrespect, or an insult. It’s a different perception of time and space. Also –  I want you to know that being late is just, if not moreso- as frustrating to me as it is to you. TRUST ME it’s not for lack of trying. THIS ARTICLE SAYS ALL OF THE THINGS!  I’m fortunate to have people in my life that love me and understand me and lie to me about when they want me to be places. <3 I do disagree with the last paragraph in the article, sort of. I do need to make necessary concessions to make it to work, meetings, etc. on time, and even early. I have been able to tame that beast on most occasions – but sometimes the beast decides my day is going to go a lot differently than I had planned 🙂

SO – this article –  Link to article – is the one that triggered this post for me. I started to share it on facebook – and then I realized a lot of people were sharing it – and I said to myself – I think I am onto something and I need to write about it – what a great thing to connect people, and encouraging them to share raw emotions to encourage personal development. I think it’s interesting how people’s rhythms are so different, and most people, like any other species of mammal, have different things that make them awesome – which is why it’s important to find people that have similar habits to yourself so the universe doesn’t make you feel like an asshole.

Fast forward to the time of the fitness tracker. I have the Jawbone and my patterns are nuts. My body falls into REM 2x in the night – from 12 am – 3 am and from 5:30 am to 7:30 am. SO OF COURSE I HAVE A PROBLEM WAKING UP AT 6 AM. My body is refueling – and getting that love it needs. It doesn’t get it any other time. And no matter what I do to try and retrain it – it does what it wants, and that’s what makes my body tick.

So – the moral of this story is – EMPATHY. Before you judge someone – walk a mile in their shoes. You do not know what they are dealing with or the hand that they’ve been dealt. I know this might be perceived as a little dramatic because this article is about being late,  but if you’re feeling that way – fantastic. I am sure you also have a genetic flaw that drives me and others nuts. Just consider that.

This is a great article about empathy.

Highlighted advice from that article –

1. Walk a mile in someone’s shoes – figuratively

2. Developing empathy out of a person’s motive

3. Replace anger with compassion

4. Discover the similarities, not the differences

5. Don’t judge too hastily

6. Become aware of your emotional landscape

7. Ask others about their perspective

Ok! that’s all for now. Have an awesome week all, and remember DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE. And if you can’t sleep – try melatonin!

Love and Light from Maine –

– dd

@danielledorrie

@lovemaineadventures

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sleep disorders, late shaming, lateness, tardiness, stop shaming

 

 

6 thoughts on “Stop it! with the Late Shaming

  1. This was a great read! I stopped counting how many asshole encounters I would get on a daily basis. I do, however, remember being an asshole before I recognized that everyone has their own plights and I shouldn’t be the one to judge them.

  2. I’m *so* with you on this (found you through a recommended post – good job WordPress!) I’ve fought with going to sleep and getting up at “normal” times pretty much my whole life. And yeah, in high school and college basically everyone’s sleep patterns are messed up, so that makes it harder to tell. But I’ve continued to struggle long enough past college that I finally got a referral from my doctor to a sleep specialist. Turns out delayed circadian rhythm is a real thing and I’ve got it (you probably do too.) My body clock really is set later than “normal” – it’s *not* laziness or lack of caring! The problem is, it’s not an easy fix (no surprise.) I’m super blessed to have a job right now that I can walk to that starts at 9 – so I don’t have to get up at 6, but the struggle is still real.
    Anyway, now that I’ve written you a book, I’m going to go read the articles you linked to. I just wanted to let you know that it’s a relief to find someone else in the same boat – and to have someone advocating for empathy instead of late shaming. Thank you!

    1. OH MY GOSH!!!! I am so glad you wrote this. Npw i’m going to spend the rest of the day researching Delayed Circadian rhythm – ha. Last night I went to the Banff film festival and I didn’t get home until 11 pm and I was doomed! Also – I’ve had a bunch of people tell me that they have had similar experiences, so we are not alone!!!!!! Thanks for the connection – keep in touch!

      xo-dd

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