I love this article.It opened up a lot of conversations for me – and gave me a bit of insight into myself and I needed to share. It’s interesting how we are all manipulative to ourselves and we are not aware. I hope this opens up some conversation for you!
“When we were growing up, we were taught that certain behaviors were “good” and certain behaviors were “bad.” We learned that the “good” behaviors resulted in our parents loving and approving of us, and “bad” behaviors resulted in disapproval and feeling unloved.
For us small, sensitive children, feeling unloved and disapproved of by our parents was nearly unbearable. So, we learned to manipulate our behavior to match the behaviors that got us approval. We learned that our authentic selves were not good enough—that we had to change to get love.”
Three ways to break out of this cycle:
1. Make love and approval an inside job.
2. Replace Your Love- and Approval-Seeking Behaviors With Honesty.
> Being nice.
>> Putting other’s needs first, and forgoing our own needs and desires.
>> Not asking for what we want, and pretending we don’t want anything.
>> Playing small.
>> Pretending everything’s fine when we’re angry or sad or any “negative” emotion.
>> Saying yes when we want to say no.
3. Heal the Mother and Father Wound.
When we stop manipulating our behavior to try to find love and approval, we shed a false layer and discover our authentic selves.
We may be a lot less “nice,” but we will be real.